The bag grows !

Rather slowly,but still growing.I'll have to decide on how I want to knit the base - circular,oblong or square.Then the handles.I'm leaning toward i-cord,either twisted or plaited before felting.
I've amused myself by imposing 'rules' to the stripe sequence.Alternating three and nine round stripes,whilst rotating three colours.I think it sings a pleasant harmony.
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Thank you to my Secret Pal 3 for the e-card.
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Yesterday was Oliver's first day back at school after the seven week summer holiday.We hadn't been apart for longer than two and a half hours all summer so I really missed him.Wandered aimlessly around,doing a bit of housework,until it was time to collect him.He'd had a great day but was shattered.
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I'm going to write about Oliver's birth in the 'continue reading' section of this post.You may need tissues.Be warned that I'm posting pictures of him which may upset you.Whichever way you look at it he was tiny,and it's always distressing to see anyone intubated.

I'd had a few episodes of bleeding at 15 weeks and 20 weeks.All very scary ! I enjoyed being pregnant,but it was incredibly stressful and I felt a bit like those people who are afraid of flying and feel that they have to concentrate on keeping the plane in the air for the duration of the flight.All I could do was concentrate on my baby.
The great bits were watching my belly doing a mexican wave.Oliver was very active and I loved feeling him moving.He peaked at 10.30 p.m. every night.Just like me he is,by nature,a night owl!
At 29 weeks,exactly,his movements slowed right down.I went to the obstetric day unit.His heart rate was fine,my blood pressure nice and low.I felt him kick during the examination - you'd have kicked too,being shoved about by a midwife ! I went home still feeling uneasy [instinct is a very underrated thing in modern medicine !],but having been told everything was o.k.
I really fancied steak for dinner ! This should have warned us that labour was about to start ! No,really.The meal I had before I went into labour with Olivia at 17 weeks and again before Helena was born at 19 1/2 weeks was steak.Seriously.The exact same meal of grilled sirloin steak,oven chips,mushrooms fryed with garlic and thyme,peas and grilled tomatoes,before each of the three times I've gone into labour.My body was probably getting me to fuel up before the marathon ahead.
At 10 p.m. I started getting contractions,telephoned the delivery suite and got there at 10.30.The midwife who admitted me told me I was being overly anxious due to my past history.Strangely,when I was unable to talk to her during my now regular contractions she scuttled off and I was then shunted into a delivery room.
From the time that I was examined by a doctor and pronounced in labour [No ! Get away !]and 4cms dilated to the time Oliver shot out was just over...wait for it...are you sitting down?...56 hours !
I chose not to have any pain relief,not even gas and air - I have issues about feeling out of control ! - and had nothing to eat except a few glucose sweets [to avoid a drip] until two hours before the birth when I demanded [!!!] a banana.I didn't sleep either until 3 a.m. on the saturday morning that he was born,at 7.47 a.m.,when I fell asleep for the one or two minutes between contractions.
Allan,being a [weak] man ;-] ,went home for a shower,meal and nap TWICE,during my labour.Apparently it was very hard going for him ! I do think fathers should witness both the labour and birth of their children.It's an incredible and monumental experience,and it must,surely,make them appreciate their partners strength,no matter what sort of labour they have.To be honest most men are next to useless in the delivery suite.Even the best of them.Men can empathise up to a point,but really don't seem able to fully feel your pain and the strength and power of nature.I relied on the midwives for support,and to really dig their knuckles into my back during the worst contractions.Of course I needed Allan there and couldn't have faced it without his love and support,but a lot of the time he seemed a bit lost.A spectator.I don't think it was his fault.It's just the nature of labour.
Unfortunately my consultant was on holiday,so I was under the care of a 'new' registrar to begin with.He decided after eight hours of labour to put up a Syntocinon drip,as my contractions had slowed down.Mr.H. would have left me in the hope that things settled down,but as I said he wasn't there.On holiday.Not available. :0)
It's not an experience I would recommend.The four hours I was having induced contractions were incredibly hard work.Luckily I was rescued by another consultant,Mr.M.,who agreed that induction was a bad idea [ Me:"If you don't take this drip away I will !" Mr.M. :"O.k. Emma."]
People think that premature births are quick and easy.That's only the case when the cervix is weak and dilates under the weight of baby and amniotic sac.Otherwise labour is long and hard because your uterus isn't really ready to do the work.I am lucky in that I have a high tolerance of pain.It was extremely painful though,but tolerable because it was productive pain.It's hard to explain.It's a pain that comes with an incredible force from deep in your 'core',a life force,somehow.I dealt with it by moving around - lots of pelvic tilting ! - ,sitting and swaying and groaning.A lot.Loudly.You lose sense of time because you are totally absorbed.
Most of the people I dealt with were marvellous and supportive.One female registrar wasn't.She swept into the room,looked at me and informed me that I would need anti-coagulants as I was far too fat and couldn't move around properly ! I informed her that I'd hardly been still for hours and was fully ambulatory.The midwife agreed with me,telling her I was the most mobile patient on the delivery suite.The registrar said ''You're quite intelligent,aren't you?' and left the room.If I hadn't been in the middle of a contraction I'd have intelligently punched her.Right on the kisser !
Right the way through labour I kept sending midwives to the Special Care Baby Unit to make sure there was an incubator with my name on.It was the only available one.Some poor woman in premature labour with twins had to be shipped to a hospital over an hour away.I found out later that the SCBU team had been put on alert three times during the friday night,and the mobile incubator had been plugged in and revved up,ready to go,outside my door for over twelve hours.
When I felt the urge to push I started squatting through contractions.I really wanted to deliver quickly as I was petrified the baby would be still born.At this point we couldn't hear the heart beat as the baby started moving down the birth canal- I'd been attached to a monitor throughout listening to the comforting sound of a strong regular heartbeat .Suddenly my waters broke.Amniotic fluid contains silicone like substances which make it very slippery.I nearly went over scrambling onto the bed.The midwife skidded across the room as she hit the emergency button and grabbed a pile of surgical gowns to put on the floor.
Suddenly the room was full - midwives,the SCBU team,two paediatricians,Ms.Bitchy registrar [boo,hiss].I pushed REALLY hard [why doesn't anyone tell you that as the head crowns it feels like someone's poured sulphuric acid over your bits ?!],Oliver shot out.He was scooped up,intubated,held for me to kiss,put in the incubator and...gone.
Poor Allan was torn between me and Oliver.I told him to go with Oliver.Suddenly the room was empty.Just me,sitting on the bed,feeling shocked.No one came in until Alan came back half an hour later with polaroid shots of our chick.He helped me wash and dress.I was given a room in the post natal ward and a breast pump.Our first very anxious days as parents had begun.

Oliver,who weighed a very respectable 3 pounds 5 ounces at 29 weeks gestation,being intubated,in the first minute of his life.

Minutes later in the incubator on SCBU.

Being cuddled by his haggard and anxious Mama when they took him off the ventilator at 3 days old.

At five weeks old,weighing just over five pounds,already displaying the gorgeous plump cheeks of a baby fed on breast milk !
We escaped ! As we drove through the hospital entrance we both started crying.The relief we felt was indescribable.

If you're interested,and emotionally up for it,I'll tell you about the five weeks we spent in SCBU.The hardest five weeks of my life in so many ways.