IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS.

"What's his name?"
"Why don't you ask him?"
Usual response : to look as if we'd hit them across the face with a wet kipper. The occasional person will gather their brain cells together and ask Oliver his name. Then they often go and spoil it by telling us what a shame IT is.
The old "does he take sugar ?" syndrome. never ceases to astound me. After all one,in seven people have a disability,one in one hundred have cerebral palsy. Not all of these people will be visibly,noticeably disabled,but a lot will. So,doesn't that mean that a large percentage of the population must have some first hand experience of disability ? Why does the ignorance persist ? And whilst I'm in a questioning frame of mind,where are all the disabled children ? We take Oliver everywhere,of course. Including meals out at least once a month. We very rarely see other disabled children,except at the hospital.
I'm just going to write random thoughts. I can't speak for Oliver as i can't feel what he feels,and don't have full incite into how he feels. I can only observe and intuitively see the world from his perspective. How much do I miss?
Of course I can write about my own reduced abilities. Am I "Disabled" ? Well,yes,I suppose I am. I no longer walk freely and without pain. At what point will I be viewed as being disabled ? From both our perspectives I can say,with feeling,that I wish they'd level the pavements and I really,really wish people would pick up their dog's sh*t ! Really !!!

Speech. One's ability to speak is not reflective of one's intelligence.

This is very difficult. It's so easy to just write a justifiable rant. There are so many things. Oliver is only six,but already some people have almost written him off. They have low expectations,so are unable to see his intelligence and who he really is. There's also a very wierd idea that a disabled child should be quiet,compliant and biddable in a way that a more able child would never be expected to be. I think it's the complete lack of empathy that a lot of people show,and a total lack of thought that drives me crackers. It causes me so much distress when people talk to him as if he's a baby or stupid. To watch as a person who is supposed to be caring for him doesn't even notice his request to join his friends,and pushes his wheelchair in the opposite direction. To see him slump,becoming smaller,and his face taking on a stillness. My bright,opinionated,spirited and vibrant son.
I have to employ the diplomatic skills of an envoy to the U.N.,smile and be grateful,in the hope that someone will hear,as in really HEAR,what I say. I am his advocate,but always let him down simply because I can't always be there to try and get people to stop,think and understand.
I think we all face frustrations through the day. As a parent of a disabled child these frustrations are multiplied a hundred fold. I feel frightened for his future. For when I can't be there to uphold his rights. I have to try and help him stand up for himself.
See. My thoughts aren't clear. The personal and political become jumbled up. Anger and frustration fog my view. I see people walk toward us,and not move to one side to let us pass until the last minute,like a perverse game of dare. Children riding up and down in a local shop's lift,without a word from their parents,as we wait for the only means to transport a wheelchair to the next floor. All those stupid little things. And the big things. Like watching as a grandmother doesn't once cuddle or hug her grandchild. Kisses her fingers,then touches his forhead as a supposed display of affection. Doesn't answer when he talks to her. Just looks at him with a false smile on her lips. I even repeated things in case she hadn't heard. To be so appalled by disability that you cannot connect with the bright,engaging and beautiful child that just happens to be in a wheelchair. If she can't view him as an equal human being how do the rest of the world see him ?

I shall carry on being that ''pushy'',ever watchful,mother,fighting for her son's rights and needs. I shall carry on with the drudgery of the minutiae of disabled living,trying to make him as comfortable,healthy,strong and functional as he can be.




I shall,as I tell him every night as he falls asleep,always take care of him,always look after him and always love him. I can only hope that he will have the strength of character to make a really good life for himself.

I shall always be grateful for the kindness,generosity and love of friends and strangers. It restores my sometimes battered faith in human nature.
Just,if you can,hold the door open !

I'M A BIT OUT OF STEP

with project spectrum. I'm enjoying the whole thing [there've been some fab pics on other blogs],but find that the month flies by.

***Edited to add:
Cripes ! I intended to post these two pics of Oliver as my last hurrah to April's month of yellow and orange.
They're of the Easter bonnet he made. The Chick was painted by him,the eyes drawn,coloured and cut out [ we use loop scissors set into a holder to keep them stable. It's a bit awkward but means that Oliver can do the cutting out as you guide the paper],the crepe paper torn by his fair hand. The ''Quack'' is also his joke. I don't think school believed/understood that he'd made it himself. I was just the assistant. I'm very proud of his artistic interpretation !


***

I knew yellow and orange would be hard for me ! There are bits of those colours in these current projects.
Giotto socks,designed by Anna. It's one of a three pattern set. Well written,very nice patterns. I'll wait whilst you click on that Paypal button !...
I did start these on my Pony Purl 2.25mm needles,which happen to be yellow,but they're really too blunt of point for any complicated stitch manouvering. I changed to Crystal Palace bamboos. Pointier but I really dislike how they feel. They have a brittleness about them that is rather unpleasant. They'll have to do !

A closer view.

They were my second attempt at this pattern. I started them in Get Knitted's very own Lorna's Laces colourway [scroll down]. The pooling was extreme and ugly ! Really ugly. I decided to keep the top border.

One finished sock drapes gracefully in one of the apple trees.

A clearer view.

I love the feel and look of these socks. Hope the recipient does too. I'm just past the border on sock two.

~

You'll have to wait for the big [really big ! I'm knitting for me after all !] spring project/s. Right now I'm being waylaid by a ball of Calmer. A hat [The Shedir Cap] for a friend of Oliver's. So much more comfortable than a wig.

I chose the color for it's spring prettiness and it's name. Lucky.

~

Don't forget : May 1st.